


Panic Attack

by AurayaPhoenix



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU Destiel - Freeform, Angst, Big Brother Michael, Blow Jobs, Family, Gay, Gay Bashing, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Michael, M/M, Matchmaker Charlie, Matchmaker Sam, Matchmaking, My First Destiel Fanfic, My First Fanfic, My First Smut, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, POV Sam Winchester, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 05:03:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2375618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AurayaPhoenix/pseuds/AurayaPhoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has a panic attack and his roommate Castiel looks after him, and then reveals some serious issues in his own life.  Angst and disapproving families; quite serious violence and homophobic behaviour in chapter 2; but eventual happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first ever fanfic, and I hope you like it. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are my own. (Sorry if there are any. Let me know in the comments!) I'll try to upload regularly, depending on whether people are reading it I guess, so comments would be welcome!
> 
> I don't own anything.

Dean had never felt so blindsided in his life. What the fuck was going on with the world? One minute he’s sat in his living room, in his cosy little apartment, happily having a beer and reading _Slaughterhouse Five_ for the millionth time; Cas, his and Sam’s lodger, sitting quietly in the other chair reading _Daughter of Smoke and Bone_ with an intense expression on his face; the next he’s clutching his stomach and gasping for breath, hoping to God he’s not having a heart attack. He needs to cut down on the pie and burgers.

“Just breathe, Dean. You’re going to be fine.” Cas sounded as calm as always, which only served to make Dean feel worse. How could he be so chilled all the time? Can’t he see that Dean is freaking _dying_ here? “You’re not dying, Dean. Just relax.” Great. And now he’s a goddamn mind reader too.

Dean’s breathing gradually settled down and the tingling in his fingers and face began to subside. “What the fuck just happened to me?” he demanded, still trying to get a handle on his own body.

“I believe you had a panic attack, Dean”. Dean frowned. Why did Cas sound so uncomfortable? It was like he was in pain or something. Dean blinked and focussed on what Cas was doing for the first time, and it was then he realised he was practically sat in Cas’ lap and was clinging on to the collar of his shirt pretty damn tightly. He let go immediately and jumped, _or probably more like a quick, ungraceful shuffle_ he thought to himself, off of Cas.

“Sorry, man. I don’t remember climbing all over you”, he said, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck awkwardly.

“It’s okay, Dean. I’m not sure you had much control over it.” Cas frowned at him. “Are you alright now? Do you need anything? I can call Sam.”

“No, man, it’s fine. Don’t get Sam, he’ll only freak out and try to feed me some vitamins or some shit.”

Cas cocked his head to one side and frowned slightly. “Nevertheless, you should probably go and lie down, Dean. Your body will be exhausted after its exertion. Do you need help getting to your room?”

“No, I’m good Cas, thanks.” Why was he refusing help? He fucking needed it; his legs were still shaking like crazy. But for some reason he couldn’t deal with the idea of Cas leading him to his bed. He staggered to his feet and put his hands out to steady himself, but as soon as he got upright, the world shifted and he felt himself falling down again. Luckily, Cas hadn’t moved and caught him mid-fall. _Fuck_.

“I’m taking you to bed, Dean.” Cas’ tone brooked no argument so Dean sighed and nodded.

“Fine, but I’m serious, don’t tell Sam. I don’t need to be mother-henned about this.”

Cas nodded and then grabbed Dean behind the knees and under his arms before he could protest; sweeping him off the floor like he weighed nothing. _Shit_. Apparently Cas was really effing strong. Dean gave an incoherent shout and hung on to Cas’ neck tightly. “What the hell, Cas? I thought you were going to walk me, not carry me like I’m a freaking damsel in distress!”

Cas pressed his lips together and locked eyes with Dean. “You need assistance and I am assisting you. Stop complaining or I will get Sam.”

Dean swallowed and looked away from those penetrating blue eyes uncomfortably. He was far too close to Cas, and the eye-contact was a bit intense. He nodded though. If Sam found out about the panic attack that would be bad enough; he didn’t need him to find Cas carrying him into his bedroom like they were at the end of _An Officer and a Gentleman_ as well. “Alright fine, let’s just get this over with quickly”, he grumbled. Cas headed for the bedrooms and then made a left instead of a right.

“Dude, where are you taking me?” Dean flustered, feeling confused.

Cas didn’t respond, but just carried him through a door (that Dean still can’t work out how he opened) and put him down on the bed. Dean looked around him, completely perplexed, and then realised he was in Cas’ room.

“Why am I in here? What’s wrong with my room?”

“Nothing is wrong with your room, Dean. I just assumed that you would want to sleep, and Sam might come looking for you in your room”. Cas’ voice was soft, and a little sad. “Nobody ever comes in here.”

It was a simple statement, _nobody ever comes in here_ , but to Dean it was like a punch to the gut. Was Cas lonely? It hadn’t ever occurred to him before. Why would Cas be lonely? He was living with them, and there was always someone in, so he wasn’t ever on his own. But when he thought about it, it wasn’t that unreasonable. You could be lonely without being alone. Hell, Dean had felt like that plenty of times himself. During exam season Sam wasn’t the best company he’d ever had. And it made sense that Cas might feel this way. He hadn’t been in town long, didn’t really know many people outside of him and Sam, was still looking for a proper job instead of working in that Gas and Sip. He and Sam had been helping as much as they felt comfortable, and a little when they felt uncomfortable, but being a stranger in your town and living in someone else’s home couldn’t be an easy experience. Hell, the only reason he knew them was because he’d been asking at the Roadhouse if they rented rooms (they didn’t) and Ellen had taken pity on him, called Dean and asked if they could put him up for a few weeks. The fact that it had almost been two months now didn’t really bother Dean. Cas was easy enough to live with, and he chipped in with the rent and groceries.

And now that he thought about it, Cas was right. Nobody did ever visit Cas in his room. Dean and Sam were so comfortable living together that they were forever dropping in on each other to share a story or borrow something, but neither of them had shown that kind of comfort in the presence of Castiel.

All of Dean’s protests died on his lips and he tried to give Cas a smile. “Yeah, good idea. Thanks, man, I appreciate it.” Cas visibly relaxed and leaned over to pull a cover around Dean. Dean shifted uncomfortably, but allowed Cas to take care of him if that’s what he wanted to do.

“Get some rest”, Cas’ voice was back to its usual tone as he gave the command. Deep and unyielding. Dean found himself acceding to Cas’ orders without hesitation.

“Will do.” Cas nodded and backed out of the room closing the door.

Dean closed his eyes and tried to sleep. But all he could think about was the look in Cas’ eyes as he’d said _nobody ever comes in here_. They’d been sad, but there had also been something almost personal in them. As though it was Dean specifically that he was disappointed in. Which made no sense, because Sammy never came in here either. Dean sighed and rolled over on the bed, then groaned. _Okay, no rolling_ , he thought as the room span around him. He was not well enough to be worrying about this shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little real for Cas in this chapter, guys. Sorry. Michael is a horrible, homophobic human being in this fic. Stick with it though :).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late posting, I had to go and pick up my new car!

Dean woke up to something cold being pressed against his face.  The sensation wasn’t an unpleasant one in contrast to the sweat dripping off the rest of his body in rivulets.  He also noticed, in a detached kind of way, that he was shaking and shivering uncontrollably.  That probably wasn’t good.  He slowly blinked open his eyes and Castiel’s face swam into view above him.  He wasn’t looking at Dean though, he was looking at his phone and had a pained expression on his face.  Dean shifted slightly and Cas’ face immediately went blank again and he looked across at Dean, clicking his phone off and sliding it into his pocket at the same time. 

“You’re awake” Cas observed. 

“Seems like it,” Dean answered, irritated with the shaky quality of his voice.  He coughed and tried to get a grip on himself.  Cas took the cloth off Dean’s forehead and smirked a little when Dean let out an involuntary whine. 

“I’m just going to freshen it, be right back”.  He stepped out of the room and a couple of seconds later Dean heard the tap come on in the bathroom.  While Cas was outside Dean took a glance around Cas’ bedroom.  It was pretty plain and empty, as Dean had expected.  Cas didn’t bring a lot of stuff with him when he arrived and wasn’t really earning enough to buy much.  All he had was the bed, dresser and mirror that had been in the spare room when Cas had moved into it, and a small amount of personal belongings on top of the dresser.  From where he was lying, Dean could see some pens and pencils, a sketch pad, what looked like a journal or a diary, a photo of a girl with red hair, and a pair of glasses.  Huh, Dean hadn’t seen Cas wearing glasses.  Hadn’t known he was into art either, but there was the sketch book.  Maybe he could ask Cas to show his work some time…

Cas came back in and saw where Dean was looking.  “No, you can’t see my sketch book” he said.  Damn, he was reading minds again.  

Dean widened his eyes and tried to look innocent, but with the sweat and the shaking that he hadn’t quite managed to contain yet he probably came off somewhere closer to pathetic.  “I wasn’t…”

“Sure you weren’t”.  Castiel said, raising his eyebrows.  But he came over and put the new compress onto Dean’s head anyway.  Dean mumbled gratefully and closed his eyes again. 

“Hey, thanks for this, man.  You know you really don’t have to.  I’ve been looking after myself for years” Dean joked.  He opened one eye to glance at Cas, but Cas was looking at his phone again. 

“Yeah I know, but I can’t have you dying while Sam’s out, he’d kill me” Cas replied; apparently not noticing that Dean was watching him while he typed out a one-handed reply to someone. 

“Hey, is everything okay?”  Dean asked, watching Cas’ lips press together at the new message that buzzed in his hand. 

Cas seemed to finally realise that Dean was in fact a person with eyes and could see what he was doing.  He put his phone away again and sighed, refocussing his attention back on Dean.  Enough time passed that Dean thought he wasn’t going to get an answer, but then Cas glanced away again and began to speak.

“My sister texted me.”  He said. 

“Oh, that’s cool man, I didn’t even know you had a sister.  Why don’t you invite her over?”  Dean offered. 

“I did.”  Cas replied.  “That’s the problem”. 

Dean frowned.  “What, is she wanting to move in too?” he joked. 

Cas rolled his eyes.  “No, nothing like that.  But she won’t come”.  Cas paused and looked at Dean again, as if trying to work out what to tell him.  “My family don’t… approve of me” he finally said. 

Dean stayed quiet and waited for Cas to continue. 

“About a year ago, my older brother, Lucifer ran away from home.  My dad had left years ago, and it was just me and my siblings, so his leaving was a big deal.  For one, it was one less income into the house which meant we had to move somewhere smaller, but on top of that, it destroyed my oldest brother, Michael.  He pretended it was fine, and that he hated Lucifer anyway, but none of us bought it.  The only time I’ve seen two siblings as close as them is with you and Sam”, Cas smiled sadly at Dean.  “Anyway, not long afterwards my only other brother, Gabriel, decided he was leaving too.  He was sick of the pressure Michael was putting on him to earn more money, and sick of constantly fighting with him, so he moved to New York to “have fun”, as he put it”.  Cas’ voice got hard and angry here, and he made air quotes with his fingers.  Dean found himself sitting up slightly and leaning back on the pillows. 

“Go on”, Dean nudged. 

“Well, long story short, Michael was out drinking one night, and when he came home he burst into my room without knocking: to find me in bed with a friend of mine from school, Balthazar.  I probably should have told you that my family have some very… traditional values.  Michael screamed at me and beat the shit out of both me and Balthazar and told me that night to pack my stuff and get out.  What he didn’t realise is that my little sister, Anna, was in the next room and heard everything he’d said to me.  About how he thought I was disgusting, and an abomination.  About how I made him sick and he should just kill me and wipe the stain off the family tree”.  Cas had tears in his eyes and Dean was staring at him with his mouth open.  And he’d thought him and Sammy had had it bad with their Dad; being dragged around the country from one army base to another. 

“Michael went out again and said he wanted me gone by the time he came back.  Of course the first thing I did was go and speak to Anna.  She knew what I was, that I’d been with Balthazar in my room, but she hadn’t said anything to Michael because she was scared of what he’d do to her.  You see, Anna is like me.  And she was terrified that Michael would somehow read it on her face if she’d spoken to him.  She’s back from school for spring break now though and feels guilty that she didn’t help me and she wants to talk.  But she won’t come over, because she’s scared.  If Michael finds out she’s been in contact with me he’ll kick her out too, though most likely without the bruises, and she’ll have nowhere to go.”  Cas finished his story with a sigh and Dean just gaped at him. 

“Man, I don’t know what to say.”  Dean finally broke the silence.  “So this is why you needed someone to put you up for a while? Why didn’t you go to… Lucifer was it?  Or Gabriel?”

Cas laughed, though there was no humour in it.  “I wouldn’t have the first clue where to find Lucifer.  Probably in jail somewhere.  And let’s just say that me and Gabe don’t always see eye to eye.  So, I dropped out of college and went to see if Ellen could put me up.  Anna’s the only one of my siblings I ever had anything in common with.  And now Michael’s got her so afraid that she won’t even visit me.” 

Dean nodded and let silence fall again.  Cas seemed to rouse himself, and immediately looked embarrassed.  “I’m so sorry Dean.  You’ve been good to me and given me somewhere to stay and I’m just burdening you with all my problems.”

“No!  Don’t worry about it man, I asked.  I just wish I knew how to help.  Sammy’s the one who’s good with the advice and shit.”  Dean paused.  “Look, why don’t you talk to Sammy about this too.  I’m sure between the three of us we can work something out.” 

“That’s very kind of you, Dean, but you’re barely well enough to sit up; you don’t need to be dealing with my issues as well.”  Dean was going to protest, but Cas had a tone in his voice that didn’t want to be argued with.  How had Dean never noticed before that Cas had a very authoritative streak? 

“Alright then.  I’ll go back to my room and sleep it off, but we’re going to deal with this tomorrow, okay?” 

“Yes, we can talk about it then, but you’re not moving.  Stay there and I’ll sleep in your room tonight, yes?” 

“Fine” Dean sighed, ignoring the weird feeling he got when he thought of Castiel’s head on his pillows.  He must be getting nauseous as well as dizzy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might post another chapter as well tonight if I get it how I want it quickly enough. Hope you like it though!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, this one! Sammy gets involved :).

The next morning, Sunday, Dean woke up feeling all warm and fuzzy, but he couldn't remember why.  He thought he’d had a good dream, and had a feeling that there had been feathers in it.  He had a weird recollection of seeing Cas somewhere too, but he couldn't remember.  At any rate he was grinning into his, _no Castiel’s_ , pillow when there was a light tap on the door that shook him out of his peaceful moment. 

“Hey, it’s me, can I come in?”  Sam’s voice called from the other side of the door. 

“Yeah, Sammy, I’m awake”. 

Sam came into the room, all six-foot-four of him, and looked at Dean with amusement in his eyes.  “I went to your room first and walked in on Cas’ half naked body coming out of your bathroom.  That was a bit of a shock” Sam said with a smirk.  “I thought you’d maybe have something to discuss with me, but then Cas told me you’d gotten sick and fallen asleep in here”. 

Dean flushed and got a little fluttery at the thought of a half-naked Cas in his room.  “Yeah I don’t think I’m completely well again yet”, he said, “My stomach is still a bit weird”. 

“Uh-huh, I’m sure”, Sam grinned. 

“Shut up, bitch.  I’ll be fine.  I just need breakfast.”  Dean heaved himself off Cas’ bed and started stripping the sheets off it.  He’d been pretty sweaty last night, and he could do that much, after all that Cas had done looking after him. 

Sam was about to leave when Dean remembered everything Cas had told him the night before.  He was pretty sure Cas wouldn’t mind him telling Sam the basics.  “Hey Sam, there’s something we need to talk about by the way…”

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later, Sam and Cas were sitting at the kitchen table while Dean served up bacon and pancakes for breakfast. 

“So, basically we need to find a way of getting Anna to talk to you in person”, Sam was saying.  Sam had a way of noting all the facts but focussing first on the problem they _could_ work on, not the massive overhanging issues that they could do nothing about. 

“Yeah I guess”, Cas replied.  “It won’t be easy though; Michael has messed with her head pretty badly”. 

“Well, the way I see it, she’s not scared of talking to you, only scared of Michael knowing she’s spoken to you,” Sam went on.  “Does Michael know where you’re living?”

Cas shivered, “No, not a chance.  I made sure he doesn’t have a clue.  He knows I’m here in Lawrence, but not my exact address.” 

“Right, well that’s good then.  We can work with that.  Why don’t we throw a party?  It’s my friend Charlie’s birthday coming up, so we’ll throw her a big party here tomorrow night and make sure Anna comes to it.  That way, if by some circumstance Michael hears about the party, it could be a coincidence that you’re both here.  How does that sound?”  Sam looked pretty pleased with his idea, and Dean was impressed. 

Apparently so was Cas, because he smiled and said, “That’s a brilliant plan.  Thank you, Sam”. 

The next twenty-four hours were spent frantically party planning.  It was easy enough to get the beer and inform Charlie, but the tough part was going to be inviting Anna without _inviting_ Anna.  They couldn’t have Michael reading her messages or hearing her phone calls and getting suspicious.  As it turned out though, Cas had a plan for that.  He’d gone to the Roadhouse to look for a room because it turned out Ellen’s daughter, Jo, went to high school with Anna.  So they invited Ellen and Jo, and told Jo to invite Anna.  Jo was happy to help. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Sammy. Sorry it's a short one, it's mostly just leading into chapter 4. Follow me on Tumblr! AurayaPhoenix


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminiscing and party prep!

Cas was nervous.  Very, very, very nervous.  He couldn’t believe how much he’d missed his sister, but at the same time he wasn’t sure he wanted to see her. 

The last time they’d spoken had been brutal.  Cas had only just finished wiping the blood off his face, and the bruises on his ribs were just starting to blossom into an ugly purple; Balthazar had avoided most of the beating and once Michael had left he’d said “Sorry Cassie, but I’m not a masochist.  Please don’t fucking call me” and left as well.  Cas had gone into Anna’s room to find her sat in a corner with her knees drawn up to her chest staring at the wall with wide, scared eyes.  Some Christmas break. 

_“Anna, are you okay?”_

_That seemed to rouse her.  She turned to look at Cas.  “Did you seriously just ask if I’m fucking_ okay _, Castiel?”_

_Cas just nodded._

_“No.  I’m very-fucking-not o-fucking-kay.  Okay?”_

_Cas didn’t know what else to say to her.  He just sat down on the floor beside her and let her lean on his shoulder._

_“Are you going to leave?” She finally whispered._

_“Yes.”  He whispered back.  “I don’t see that there’s another option.  Michael won’t let me stay.  I suppose I won’t be back at school either since he’s paying for it.  Maybe I can defer for a year, save up, and then pay for myself.”_

_Anna just sat quietly again .  She wasn’t one to pretend that Michael might come around.  It was obvious that wasn’t ever going to happen._

_“What are you going to do?”  Cas asked.  It was a reasonable question.  They both knew that Anna was in just as much trouble as Cas if Michael decided to look into her personal relationships.  He’d never approve of Anna’s ex, Naomi, or her current girlfriend, Hannah._

_“Nothing.” Anna replied, her tone bleak.  “I’m going to carry on as normal.  Go to school, pretend I’m straight.  The only thing is I won’t have you to fall back on any more.”_

_“Of course you’ll have –”_

_“No, Cas.  I won’t.  He’ll ditch me too, as soon as he finds out I’m still talking to you.  There’s no point in us both being disowned.  I’ll finish college first, and once I have a decent future ahead of me, then we can go back to normal.”_

_Cas was on the verge of tears, but he understood.  Anna was right.  “Okay then,” he said, voice breaking.  “Just, text me once in a while, yes?”_

_“Of course,” Anna smiled._

And tonight was the first time they’d be seeing each other since that moment.  He wanted to see how Anna was doing, but at the same time was dreading Anna’s perceptive, no-nonsense attitude.  She saw everything.  She’d know within minutes that number one, Cas missed college like crazy; number two, he loathed his job with every fibre of his being; and number three, that he was well on his way to being head over heels in love with Dean Winchester. 

 

* * *

 

 

Dean was in the kitchen.  It was his go-to duty for throwing an amazing party.  Charlie was like the little sister he’d never had and he’d be damned if they were going to serve chips and dip at her birthday party.  And on top of that, he needed to make it good for Cas too.  After everything he was going through he’d still looked after Dean when he’d been feeling ill, and on the night he was going to see his little sister again for the first time in months they needed good food.  It had to be impressive.  So Dean was making pulled pork sliders and sweet potato fries enough for fifty people.  And about twenty portions of halloumi sliders for Sam’s veggie, yes _veggie_ , college friends.  And a bunch of little individual pies for dessert because why-the-fuck-not. 

As he was cooking he felt his mind drifting to Castiel.  He’d been acting oddly since yesterday morning when they were coming up with a plan, and it was bothering Dean more than it had any right to.  He hadn’t even _known_ Cas more than two months, and yet he couldn’t stop thinking about basically anything to do with him.  What books he was reading, what song he’d heard him playing, what was going on with him at work, all the shit with his family, how the sun made his eyes look almost like sapphires…

 _Fuck_.  Where had that last thought come from?  He could _not_ be developing a crush on his roommate.  Dean hadn’t even thought about anyone since he’d broken up with Lisa nearly a year ago.  And that had been messy.  Lisa had had a kid, and no matter how awesome Ben was, Dean just wasn’t ready for that level of relationship.  Like, seriously, he hadn’t even _looked_ at anyone since then.  It was just not what he was after.  He had no ability to hold down a relationship, and no desire to handle another break-up. 

Well, that settled it then.  He’d just have to bottle it up.  That was how to handle this situation.  Cas may be into guys but he sure as hell wouldn’t be into the hot mess that was Dean, so it didn’t matter anyway.  Shove it all into the little cupboard in his mind labelled “never to be looked at again” and move on. 

At that point Sam walked into the kitchen.  “How are we getting on?”

“We’re doing fine, Sammy, you just need to stay out of my way.  If I fall behind, it’s your veggie crap that gets dropped first.” Dean replied with a tight smirk. 

Sam gave him a bitch-face and then a weird look.  “Dude, what’s up?” 

“Up?  What are you talking about?  Nothing’s up.” 

Sam just raised his eyebrows.  “Right.  Of course.  Well, anyway, everything seems to be ready for tonight.  Everyone should be here by 7, and Jo is bringing Charlie and Anna around 7.30.”

“Sounds great!  I’ll be done with the food by 6, and then I can get ready.  It’ll just need heating up when people arrive.”  Dean coughed and hesitated.  “How’s Cas doing out there?”

Sam looked at him funny again but seemed to shrug it off.  “Okay I think.  He seems a bit nervous, but he’s handling it.  He’s not really talking about it though.  Maybe you should go and see how he’s doing.  He seems comfortable around you.” 

“Nah, he’s good.”  Dean tried for nonchalance, but suspected that Sam saw straight through it.  “And I’m really busy in here anyway, so I’ll catch up with him later.” 

“Right, okay then.  Well I’ll leave you to it.  Don’t forget to go and get the beer as well.”

“On it.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Anna get to see each other and Charlie is awesome :)

The party was going well.  Everyone was having a good time, Dean’s sliders had gone down a treat, and Jo was going to arrive any minute with Anna and Charlie.  Dean glanced around the living room and locked eyes with Cas, who was sitting in the corner looking nervous.  He clamped down on the swooping sensation in his stomach when those brilliant blues latched onto his own eyes and walked over. 

“Hey, man how are you holding up?”

“Dean.  I’m okay I think.  I guess I’m just worried she won’t turn up.  Or that she will, but won’t talk to me.”

“Dude, you know she’ll want to talk to you.  She’s scared, but she’s still your sister.”  Dean patted him on the shoulder.  Cas nodded and looked a little more confident. 

At that moment the doorbell rang and Dean saw Sammy head over to open it. 

“Oh my God you guys!” came the excited squeal from Charlie, and Dean felt his face break into a huge grin.  “I can’t believe you threw me a party, this is freaking awesome!  It must have taken you all day to get ready and you even invited some total hotties!  Did you get me a present?  Is it a Lego Death Star?  Can I open it?  Where’s the beer?”

Dean got over there quickly and wrapped her in a huge hug just to stop the verbal diarrhoea.  “Hey Charlie; happy birthday, Your Highness.”  Dean winked at her.  “Beer is right here,” he said swiping her one off the table, “and you can get your present once you’ve had a couple and mingled.” 

Charlie grinned at him, and hugged Sam.  Behind her, and still standing in the doorway was Jo, who looked mildly irritated at having to wait, but was smirking at Dean anyway, and a pretty read-headed girl with huge eyes that Dean recognised from the photo in Cas’ room.  “Hey Jo, how’s it going?”  Dean asked. 

“Better once you get me a beer, Winchester,” she quipped as she moved past him and into the living room.  “Anna, are you coming?” she threw over her shoulder. 

Dean turned to look at Anna who smiled at him awkwardly and shuffled into the room, looking plainly terrified.  As he was about to introduce himself though, her eyes went wide and her mouth opened.  He looked around and Castiel was standing beside him with tears in his eyes.  “Anna,” his voice cracked. 

She let out a huge sob and threw herself into Cas’ arms.  He hugged her tightly and didn’t look anywhere close to letting go.  Dean coughed and rubbed his neck uncomfortably and went to move away, but Cas grabbed his arm.  “Dean, I’m sorry.  Anna, this is Dean Winchester.  He and his brother Sam helped me get you here, and Dean is very kindly letting me stay in their spare room for a few weeks until I get on my feet.  Although, now that I think about it I’ve probably been here a little longer than he’d originally offered.”

Dean laughed a little, “Jesus, Cas, it’s fine.  Stay as long as you want, we love having you here… I mean, you know –” he shuffled his feet, “You don’t have to go any time soon, if you don’t want to.”  Ugh, could he sound _any_ more pathetic? 

Cas smiled at him though, and those eyes of his were sparkling again.  Anna glanced between them and her facial expression was slowly changing from nervous to suspicious.  “So! Let me get you guys some beers, huh?” Dean said, a little too loudly, as he moved away. 

 

* * *

 

 

Sam was still standing with Charlie, and the two of them had been saying hello properly when the exchange between Dean and Cas had caught both of their attention and they’d filtered out into just plain eavesdropping.  When Dean adorably coughed and shuffled and went to find beer while Cas watched him walk away Sam started laughing quietly and looked over at Charlie.  “So it’s not just me, right?”

“Damn, those two have got some serious tension going on!”  Charlie exclaimed. 

“I know, right?!” Sam agreed.  “I’m not sure that either of them are aware of it though.  Or at least neither of them know it’s reciprocated.”

“Ugh, that is so sad.  Life is way too short for unrequited sexy-time feels.”  Charlie shook her head.  “I believe we have work to do here.”

“What are we supposed to do?”  Sam asked. 

“Ahh, young padawan, you have yet to learn the ways of the force.”  Charlie smiled mysteriously.  “Anyway, even if they’re not sure yet, I ship it, and so do you, so I think we should give it a shot.” 

“I’ll follow your lead then Obi-Wan,” Sam grinned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Charlie. And no force on Earth will convince me that her and Sam wouldn't ship Destiel hard if they were together. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! AurayaPhoenix


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna finds the sketchbook. And then so does Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6! Sorry, I didn't post it yesterday, I had work stuff.

Cas had missed Anna even more than he’d realised.  One look at his sister’s beautiful face and he felt 5 years old again; wanting them to build a blanket fort and hide under it together, so they didn’t have to listen to Dad and Luci shout at each other any longer while Michael tried desperately to keep the peace.  However, he’d been right that her perceptive nature was something he’d wanted to avoid.  He’d left her alone in his room for all of 5 minutes while he went to the bathroom, and she was straight into his sketch-book.  It was full of Dean. 

That hadn’t been Cas’ intention.  At first it was random.  He always drew portraits, and there were pictures in there of pretty much everyone he knew, plus a few fictional characters he’d created.  But eventually his characters had started changing.  A few more freckles here; a pair of green eyes there; one with Dean’s gorgeous hair, or amazing mouth.  And finally, his latest creation, was a full body sketch of Dean with a huge pair of wings.  He didn’t know why he’d drawn Dean that way, but it just felt right.  Dean had put a roof over his head when he was at his lowest point.  Hadn’t asked about the bruises, or the crappy job; just accepted him and given him a room and a meal.  Dean was absolutely an angel to him. 

Anna looked up at him as he came back into the room and put a hand over the sketch.  “You should talk to him, Cas.”

Cas just walked over silently and picked up the sketch book; spinning it around to look at his work.  “He’s straight, Anna.  And quite frankly I’m not sure I’m ready after Balth –”

“Don’t do that, Cas.  Balthazar wasn’t to blame for what happened.  Michael is enough to scare anyone off, and you know it.  It was just too intense for him.” 

Cas sighed.  “Yeah, I know.  I guess I just wish he’d been brave enough to stick it out for me.  I would’ve done it for him.” 

“Yeah but you know you fall in love way too easily.  Not everyone feels things quite as intensely as you do.  And as for Dean being straight…” she went on with a knowing smirk, “I don’t think you’d need to worry about it.”  Cas cocked his head to one side and frowned in confusion.  Anna sighed, “I saw how he was looking at you in there.  People who feel purely platonic in their affections don’t eye-fuck each other like you two just did.”

“We were not eye-fucking!”  Cas half-shouted. 

“Umm… guys?  Bad time?”  Cas nearly leapt out of his skin.  Dean was standing in the doorway looking ill at ease but a little amused. 

“Dean.  Umm… we were… I mean, I… Anna was just trying to be funny.  I’m sorry,” he stammered. 

“Dude, relax,” Dean laughed.  “Sam sent me in to see if Anna wanted any food.  The sliders are nearly all gone, so if you want anything, now’s the time to grab it.” 

“Right, thanks Dean,” Anna said.  “I’ll go grab something.”  And she got up and left, leaving Dean and Cas looking at each other, Dean amused and Cas still self-conscious and a little tongue-tied.  And then Dean frowned. 

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing to Cas’ lap.  Cas was confused for a second and then leapt up slamming closed his sketch book. 

“Nothing!” he panicked. 

“Dude, it looked like me, you have to let me see it!”

“No, it’s not you.  I’d really rather you didn’t…”  But Dean had already pulled the book out of Cas’ hands and opened it to page one.  Cas sat on the bed and covered his face with his hands, peeking out every couple of seconds to see Dean’s facial expressions.  At first Dean looked impressed but relatively neutral, but Cas could tell when Dean started to recognise some features of the artwork.  And when Dean got to the most recent page he froze and his face was unreadable. 

 

* * *

 

So it was pretty clear that Cas was an amazing artist, but Dean had no idea how else to react to what was in front of him.  When Sam and Charlie had suggested he come in and offer Anna some food, he’d thought they were up to something, but now he suspected that at least one of them had some insider knowledge of what had been in this sketch book and that he might end up seeing it when he came in. 

He looked up at Cas and saw the deer-in-headlights look on his face.  “Dude, I don’t –”

“I’m sorry, Dean.  I shouldn’t have drawn you without permission, I just –”

“No, man it’s fine, you –”

“It’s not fine, I should have asked.  I should have –”

“ _Dude_.  Seriously.  This is really good!  Where did you learn to draw like this?” 

“Um… Art was my major over at KU before I dropped out.  Specialising in portraits.” 

“I can see why, this is awesome.”

Cas continued to stare at him nervously.  “So you’re not… freaked out?  Or mad?”

“Mad?  Why would I be mad?  Sure, I’m a little surprised.  I mean, of all the people to draw, I bet you could have found someone way less flawed, but I’m flattered.” 

“You think you’re flawed.”  It wasn’t a question. 

Dean let out a dry laugh.  “Well, if the boot fits.  I’m hardly an exemplary specimen of humanity.”

Cas stared hard at Dean, then seemed to come to a decision, something like resolve appearing in his face.  He stood up and walked over to him. 

“Dean.  You are one of the best men I’ve ever met.  Don’t sell yourself short.  You’re honest, and caring, and thoughtful.  You’re selfless enough to have taken into your home a man who you’d never even met just because you knew it would be a nice thing to do.  On top of that you’ve let him stay in your house one hell of a lot longer than you originally bargained for, despite the fact he’s mopey ninety per-cent of the time and only pays you half what he should in board.  You even threw a party to help him get back in touch with his sister; despite the fact you knew there was a danger behind it.  And you do it, all of it without even having to think first; just because you’re a good person.  And you think you’re not an “exemplary specimen of humanity”?  You’re the best specimen I’ve ever seen.”

Dean stared at Cas for a second and then without even thinking about it, he leaned forward and closed the gap between them; meeting Castiel’s lips with his own.  Cas tasted like beer and honey and his lips were soft yet firm against Dean’s own.  He reached around and put the sketch book on the dresser so he had both hands to pull Cas’ body flush against him; one hand in his hair and the other on his lower back.  Cas, for his part, was gripping both of Dean’s shoulders tightly, like he might lose Dean any second if he let go.  _So much for bottling it up_ , Dean thought to himself amusedly. 

They both pulled back for air and looked intently into each other’s eyes.  Then Cas moved around, slammed closed his bedroom door, and swung back round to Dean.  He mashed their lips together again and pushed Dean backwards until he was sat on the edge of Cas’ bed.  And damn, if Cas’ authoritative streak wasn’t the hottest thing Dean had ever experienced in his life. 

Cas straddled him and used his tongue to push Dean’s mouth open.  Dean let him, and met Cas’ tongue with his own, massaging them together and then licking the roof of Cas’ mouth and making him moan quietly.  Both of Cas’ hands were in his hair now, and Dean, without even noticing he’d done it, had managed to put both of his hands on Cas’ ass.  Cas bit down on Dean’s bottom lip and Dean jolted in surprise and pleasure.  He could feel himself getting hard underneath Cas’ hips that Dean was pretty sure were gyrating unconsciously. 

Cas suddenly leaned back and looked at Dean.  “I thought you were straight.” He said breathlessly. 

Dean smiled.  “I’m bi.  Been with more girls than guys, but I’m not exclusively into one or the other.” 

Cas responded by nodding and then pushing Dean backwards so he was lying down against the pillows.  Dean was seriously hard now.  He’d never been the submissive one before, and he found he was _really_ enjoying it.  It was good to let Cas take the lead here and just let himself revel in the experience. 

Cas had started trailing smaller kisses down Dean’s neck and onto his collar bone, and Dean was melting even more every time Castiel’s lips touched a different part of his skin.  He did not deserve this.  Cas started unbuttoning Dean’s shirt with one hand while using the other to hold himself up.  Dean helped him slide it off his shoulders and then leaned back onto the pillows while Cas’ mouth found one of his nipples. He gasped in pleasure and his back arched off the bed a little.  He felt Cas grin against his chest and laughed a little.  “Jesus, Cas, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me yet Dean.”  Cas said, locking eyes with him again, but never letting his mouth leave Dean’s skin. 

“I’m looking forward to learning,” Dean said honestly. 

Cas smiled a huge smile and reached down to undo Dean’s pants.  Dean grabbed the hem of Cas’ shirt when he did and tugged it over his head, then reached down to Cas’ fly.  Cas batted his hand away.  “Nope.  This is all about you,” Cas said, and before Dean could protest he had Cas’ hand down his pants and gripping his cock tightly.  He nearly came right then, but held it back with a heroic effort. 

“ _Fuck_ , Cas,” he breathed. 

Dean kicked off his shoes and helped Cas remove his pants and underwear.  “So big, Dean,” Cas said, sounding pleased.  He kissed Dean again and began to move his hand in long strokes along Dean’s dick.  Dean moaned into Cas’ mouth in pure bliss and began fucking slowly into Cas’ hand in search of more friction.  “You like that, huh?” Cas began kissing down Dean’s body again, pausing only to give the other nipple a long hard suck and getting the best noises from Dean yet. 

When he got to Dean’s belly button he dipped his tongue into it and then immediately moved down to kissing, licking and sucking on the inside of Dean’s thigh.  “Holy shit, Cas,” Dean breathed.  Cas grinned and then ran his nose up the underside of Dean’s red and pulsating cock.  He took a long breath through his nose, breathing in the musky smell of Dean.  Then he gently licked the vein along the bottom of Dean’s cock and took the head into his mouth.  Dean was making some serious happy noises and put his hand in the back of Cas’ hair just as Cas began to move his mouth further down around Dean’s cock taking all of him into his mouth.  _Fuck, shit, fuck._

But the next minute he wasn’t thinking anything, as Cas began to move up and down, swallowing around him.  Dean tried hard to keep still, but he had both hands in Cas’ hair now and was beginning to fuck upwards into Cas’ mouth.  Cas groaned in pleasure and that was all the encouragement Dean needed.  Cas set a steady rhythm, swallowing around Dean’s length and then swirling his tongue around the head, pressing into the slit and hollowing his cheeks.  It was the best fucking blowjob Dean had ever gotten, and that included the one he got from Benny for his twenty-first birthday. 

Dean could feel himself getting close and let out another groan.  “Fuck, Cas I’m gonna –” but it was too late.  Cas swallowed around him once more and then grabbed Dean’s balls and Dean couldn’t hold on any longer.  He came down Cas’ throat with a shout and Cas just swallowed it all down without spilling a drop as he led him through his orgasm.  When he’d finished, Cas pulled off him with a little pop and climbed back up Dean’s body to kiss him again.  Dean kissed back with fervour and was rewarded with the taste of himself alongside the beer and honey.  “Holy shit, Cas.  That was fucking amazing,” Dean whispered, in awe. 

“Thank you,” Cas replied.  “It’s a skill.” 

“Damn right it is,” Dean practically growled.  He kissed Cas again and then Cas sat up. 

“We should probably get back to the party,” Cas said.  _Shit_.  The party.  To be perfectly honest, by this point Dean had completely forgotten that other people even existed. 

“Um, yeah, good idea.” Dean muttered, looking around for his pants. 

Once they were dressed they took another long look at each other and then Dean laughed. 

“What?” Cas asked, an amused glint in his eye. 

“I just realised what Anna meant by eye-fucking,” Dean grinned. 

“Shut up,” Cas laughed and kissed Dean again.  Just a quick, chaste kiss this time.  “Shall we?”  He gestured to the door. 

Dean nodded and reached for the handle, then paused.  He looked back at Castiel and then took his hand.  “We shall,” he replied.  And they walked out together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading guys! I hope you liked it. I've never written smut before. Or anything before tbh. I'm not sure if this is finished or not actually. I might write a bit more. Maybe about Sam, Charlie and Anna finding out? Or maybe Michael? Idk, comment if you want me to keep writing this. If not I'll move on. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! AurayaPhoenix


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